


What does Lucifer desire? (Hint: It never involved Tibetan Singing Bowls or Butternut Squash)

by Vesper90



Series: Lucifer Needs a little TLC [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Chloe KNOWS, F/M, I’m pretty sure he would need an actual eternity of therapy, Like I have never seen a person who is so fabulous and has self-esteem so low, Lucifer Needs a Hug, lucifer is a mess, post 3x24
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 14:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18994801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vesper90/pseuds/Vesper90
Summary: Chloe is a little worried that she won’t live up to Lucifer’s standards in the bedroom, until she realizes that maybe his standards aren’t the problem.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pre-season 4 (because I haven’t had a chance to see it yet), just because I’ve had this idea kicking around for a while about how Lucifer’s understanding of intimacy works vis a vis his lack of emotional intelligence and his own low self-esteem.

It had been three weeks since Chloe had finally come to her senses and realized that Lucifer was Lucifer and always had been, no matter what his face looked like, and had forced her way into his penthouse to tell him just that. The shock on his face as she’d told him that she loved him, no matter what face he showed her, had fueled the aggressive kiss she’d planted on him...but in three weeks that’s the closest they had come to his bed. There had been coffee on her desk every morning, shy smiles exchanged over dead bodies and Ella’s lab table, hands held gently under the interrogation room table, and gentle kisses as he left her at her door, but nothing more.

Tonight had been another of those nights. He’d wined and dined her, as was his habit, then returned her home. Maze had taken one look at her and snickered evilly, passing her a brand new package of batteries with a snide ‘unless you’d like me to help you work off some of that frustration’ which had resulted in her having to duck the heavy package of batteries when Chloe threw them at her before storming upstairs.

Was there something wrong with her? Was she, like her middle name, too boring for Lucifer? She fell asleep remembering the litany of women and men who had told her all the ways that a single night with Lucifer had been the best night of their lives and wondering what, exactly, one did with a Tibetan Singing Bowl in bed...

“This thing with a Tibetan Singing Bowl””Best night of my life””Car battery and...””Never had a better night””Organic honey...””Best sex of my life.””Best night of my life.””Best night of my life.””Best night of MY life.”

Chloe jerked awake from the repeated litany in her head, at first feeling despondent about her own prospects of keeping Lucifer satisfied, until a moment of pure clarity hit her. 

It had always been the best night of that person’s life, but she never heard a repeated story of what happened in bed. Everyone had gotten exactly what they wanted, exactly what they desired, but there wasn’t a shred of Lucifer himself in those encounters. Nothing happened that they hadn’t...desired.

“Oh my G—uh...gosh, he’s never...” 

20 minutes later the penthouse level doors of the elevator at Lux opened and before Lucifer could even stand up from the piano, he was accosted by 5 and a half feet of babbling Detective.

“I can’t believe it! You’ve...you’ve never...how did I not realize?” 

“You are going to have to speak in a full sentence at some point, darling, I speak every language there is and many that aren’t anymore, but I never learned to translate hysterical babbling.” At that, Chloe managed to calm down. She curled herself around him, face pressed into the center of her back, and laughed. 

“Are you quite alright, darling?” She pulled back and let him stand up and turn to face her. She had to crane her neck to see his face and she shook her head, pulling him toward his couch so that they could see each other without neck strain.

“I’m fine, I just realized something that couldn’t wait...anymore than it already has anyway. We need to talk.” 

Lucifer’s face shuttered almost immediately and he tried to stand, but was stopped by Chloe’s hands wrapping around his and pulling him back down.

“Where are you going?”

“I believe that if we ‘need to talk’ then I should have a drink first” he said, dejection coloring his words and Chloe realized her mistake.

“Not that kind of talk! We’re good, great, better than great!” She was grinning and the light returned to Lucifer’s face slowly.

“Then what, may I ask, brought here in such a tizzy at...” he peered at the clock on the wall “3 in the morning, darling?”

“Your powers don’t work on me” Chloe started out.

“Yes, I believe we’ve established that.”

“And I’m the only one they don’t work on.”

“Yes?” Lucifer sounded confused. 

“So...” Chloe steadied herself with a breath. “When was the last time you had sex that focussed on what you desired, Lucifer?” 

The man...devil...smirked at that.

“Oh I assure you detective, I never do anything unless I desire it.”

“For a man who doesn’t lie, you are awfully good at sidestepping a question, Lucifer” Chloe sighed.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Do you have a particular fetish for car batteries or organic honey?”

“What?” 

“The things, those things you did with all those men and women I interviewed during the flight attendant case. Were those things that you wanted to do?”

“Well I...” Lucifer paused then looked concerned. “Well I certainly didn’t do them against my will, if that’s what you are implying. It was all perfectly consensual.”

“That’s not what I meant. 92 men and women and at no point in those interviews did they describe any of the same activities...each of them got exactly what they wanted, the best night of their lives” at this Lucifer preened slightly with pride “yes, I’m sure you’re very proud, hush. The best night of their lives, all their desires and fantasies, even the ones they might not have known they had, lived out in the real world...but what did you get?” Lucifer blinked at that question.

“I...I don’t know what you mean, darling.” 

Internally, Chloe wanted to cry. He didn’t know, no one had ever...no one had ever asked or cared. 

Externally, however, she kept herself together and moved. Suddenly she was straddling Lucifer, pinning him back against the couch, arms winding around his neck. 

“Ah, well...darling, not that I don’t like where this seems to be going, but are you sure...” Chloe cut him off with a kiss, before pulling back and staring into his eyes the same intensity she’d seen him use on a dozen suspects.

“What do you desire?” 

“Ah, uhm...” Lucifer was speechless for a moment, but she could tell the moment he gathered his wits once more. “I do believe that’s my line, Detective” he joked, but Chloe wasn’t in the mood for jokes.

“No, not tonight it’s not. What do you desire?” He flushed and his mouth gaped slightly. 

“I...I desire whatever you desire, darling.”

“Nope, wrong answer Lucifer. What do you desire?”

“I don’t understand...what do you want me to say, Chloe?” Chloe closed her eyes and leaned forward, resting her forehead against his as she tried to control the hot sting of tears starting to burn behind her eyelids. 

“Oh, oh no...darling, Chloe, please don’t cry...I...” 

“Has no one truly ever asked you what you want, Lucifer?” Even as she asked, she knew the answer. Everyone came to Lucifer for a favor, to get what they wanted from life and he gave them what they desired. A new career, help to prove their innocence, helping them stay out of prison, the best sex of their life...but it was all about them and their desires, not once had they cared for or considered what Lucifer’s needs were. 

And he’d let them.

Why? For all his talk of free will...for everything he’d sacrificed...he was still serving others. Maybe it was on his terms, but...

No, now was not the time to try to untangle the absurd Gordian knot that was Lucifer’s mental state. Linda had been trying to do that for years, Chloe wasn’t going to figure it out tonight.

Tonight was about Lucifer. She pulled back and looked him in the eye.

“Lucifer, I need you to answer one question for me and be completely honest.”

“I’m always honest. Really, Detective, we’ve been over this.”

“Yes, you don’t lie...but we both know you like to skirt around the details.” Lucifer huffed in annoyance, but motioned at her to continue. 

“Fine, fine. 100% honesty, guaranteed. Ask your question.”

“Lucifer, babe...if you could do anything with me tonight, in bed or out of it. No holds barred...what would it be?” 

He gaped at her, then finally managed to speak. “I...I’m open to anything you’d like, darling. Literally, anything.” Chloe glared.

“That’s not what I asked, Lucifer.” She pushed him back against the couch cushions and looked him straight in the eye. “What. Do. You. Desire?” She enunciated every word clearly and he hung on every syllable, with rapt attention. 

“I...” he swallowed hard and struggled to make words come out, mouth opening and closing like a beached fish. Which, Chloe thought, was not something that should have looked so adorable. He swallowed again, eyes a bit wild, and then spoke.

“I would very much like to sleep with you, darling.”

“Well, yes, I figured that-“

“No, I...just sleep. With you. Here. Wake up with you tomorrow and make breakfast and then...”

“You don’t want to have sex?” Chloe hadn’t actually thought of that as a possible outcome to be honest.

“Is that...is that wrong? I can, of course...if you want...”

“No, I’m just a little surprised...you do...you do want to have sex with me at some point right?”

“What?” He looked shocked that she would even ask that question. “Yes, of course! In many locations and positions, probably far more than you can imagine” Chloe laughed at his eagerness, then sobered.

“But?”

“But, I don’t believe that I’ve ever slept with someone when it wasn’t a byproduct of sexual exhaustion. I...would like that.” 

Chloe’s eyes burned again, because this wonderful man who was her partner had never been given something so basic, intimacy without expectations. She thought of his discomfort with hugs from Ella, Trixie, and herself. How he froze up and couldn’t decided what to do with his hands and realized that he had never associated touch with affection, he couldn’t quantify or understand what it meant outside of sex and she filed that away under “grievances to air with the Almighty” when the time came, but for now...

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” She stood up and took his hand, pulling him toward the bed. “And I want pancakes for breakfast.”

“Your wish is my command” Lucifer said.

“And so is yours” she said, pulling him down against her side in the bed.


	2. You Break, You Buy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maze really needs to stop creepily sitting in the dark in Chloe's room in the middle of the night...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh okay, so this is how it's going to be...apparently this is actually going somewhere as a longer story of some sort.
> 
> I make no promises.

"You broke Lucifer" was the enigmatic statement that woke Chloe from a sound sleep.

"What?" She mumbled, blearily reaching for her bedside lamp only for the floor lamp to suddenly switch on and reveal Chloe's soon to be ex-roommate. "Maze! What the hell?"

"That's what I'd like to know! He's all soft and squishy now...I mean he was getting that way before, but whatever you did last week made it a million times worse. He..." Maze looked nauseous. "He wanted to talk about my feelings last week...he was all considerate and...nice."

"You are always complaining about how he doesn't pay attention to your feelings!" Chloe said.

"Yeah...but now that he is...it's unnatural and weird. And after the whole Cain thing he should be mad at me, like...really mad. And instead he's all 'I understand why you did it. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. If you really want to go back to hell just let me know and I'll arrange it.' It's...gross."

"Maze...can we talk about this when it's not 3 in the morning?"

"What? You can talk to him about his feelings at 3am, but not mine?"

"Maze!" Chloe was never getting back to sleep at this point.

"Okay, okay...fine. But you break, you buy...that's all I'm saying."

Maze stood and left the room like a hungry leopard stalking prey and Chloe turned off the light and lay back down, exasperated.

"Did my demon roommate really just give me a really vague 'don't break my friends heart' speech?" She muttered.

"You'll know when I give you that speech, Decker. It involves a lot more props, mostly knives." Maze said, voice carrying clearly down the hall.

"Shut up and let me sleep, you crazy hellspawn!"

"Aww, you always say the sweetest things!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another tiny chapter composed in my notes app, as I can't sleep because my neighbors appear to be raising a herd of wildebeest next door.

**Author's Note:**

> Literally wrote this in my notes app at work and posted it with ZERO editing, so...y’know...*shrug*


End file.
